Embracing the Failures
This past weekend was a miserable failure. The bad mojo of the weekend bled in to my Monday morning, which resulted in a screeching toddler, smoothie splattered all over the kitchen wall (from floor to ceiling!), milk all over the duvet, a fruit squeeze packet all over the floor of the bathroom and a twitchy dog. I had been working hard, harder than I thought I would have to, to really be calmer, more controlled and have more patience. Which you certainly need when you have a toddler running around. This weekend, it all unraveled and my patience reserve was obliterated. It didn't help that James decided to be a little more energetic and crazy than usual.
Sunday, I felt like a horrible person. I got upset, frustrated and angry. That is something that always hits me hardest. When I slip and my frustrations come out, I beat myself up about it. My husband tells me over and over that I need to remember that I am human and things will slip, we'll fall and the best we can do is get back up, dust ourselves off and make a decision to continue working hard to be a better person. Becoming a mother has made me come to more realizations than I had thought were possible. I am doing my best to figure these out and be a better person for it.
Part of the reason I slipped is because of stress. Stress doesn't do anyone any favors. The past 6 months have been a bundle of nerve wracking days followed by minor relief, followed by stressful implications and constant wondering of what the next few weeks will bring. It isn't over yet, but hopefully we'll have a better view of what the future will bring in the next week or so.
Balance is difficult to maintain when in the midst of uncertainty. I have had a few ways of attempting to maintain some semblance of balance. Breathing, taking small moments to myself, with no distractions, no noise. Centering myself. Even if this is during my break at work, or while Jamie is napping when I am at home. I try to work on activities that I enjoy, cooking on the weekends when I have time to do something that takes time and patience and results in something really good.
You have to embrace the failures made to appreciate the good days. And remember that we're all human and we slip up on occasion. When I do, I just remind myself to breathe, to look past this mistake and move on. Learning to accept myself for who I am and that I have and will make mistakes is certainly something I am working hard to do. We continue to grow and learn, no matter our age.
I am learning that I cannot do everything myself, and have been trying to put a little more into Thomas's hands so that he can help me manage.
Life is messy, it is difficult to control, I am working to embrace the chaos, the changes that rudely shove their way onto our path. I am working to forgive myself, and realize that my shortcomings have nothing to do with my mothers (this is a completely separate topic), they are my own and I must take them and do better, for myself and for my family.
Sunday, I felt like a horrible person. I got upset, frustrated and angry. That is something that always hits me hardest. When I slip and my frustrations come out, I beat myself up about it. My husband tells me over and over that I need to remember that I am human and things will slip, we'll fall and the best we can do is get back up, dust ourselves off and make a decision to continue working hard to be a better person. Becoming a mother has made me come to more realizations than I had thought were possible. I am doing my best to figure these out and be a better person for it.
Part of the reason I slipped is because of stress. Stress doesn't do anyone any favors. The past 6 months have been a bundle of nerve wracking days followed by minor relief, followed by stressful implications and constant wondering of what the next few weeks will bring. It isn't over yet, but hopefully we'll have a better view of what the future will bring in the next week or so.
Balance is difficult to maintain when in the midst of uncertainty. I have had a few ways of attempting to maintain some semblance of balance. Breathing, taking small moments to myself, with no distractions, no noise. Centering myself. Even if this is during my break at work, or while Jamie is napping when I am at home. I try to work on activities that I enjoy, cooking on the weekends when I have time to do something that takes time and patience and results in something really good.
You have to embrace the failures made to appreciate the good days. And remember that we're all human and we slip up on occasion. When I do, I just remind myself to breathe, to look past this mistake and move on. Learning to accept myself for who I am and that I have and will make mistakes is certainly something I am working hard to do. We continue to grow and learn, no matter our age.
I am learning that I cannot do everything myself, and have been trying to put a little more into Thomas's hands so that he can help me manage.
Life is messy, it is difficult to control, I am working to embrace the chaos, the changes that rudely shove their way onto our path. I am working to forgive myself, and realize that my shortcomings have nothing to do with my mothers (this is a completely separate topic), they are my own and I must take them and do better, for myself and for my family.
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