Cycling
No, it's not what you think. Riding a bike would be a million times preferable to the cycling I'm talking about. Cycling is a term used for someone who is Bipolar/has manic-depression and hits highs and lows, one after the other for a lengthy period of time.
I can tell you, it is damn uncomfortable and difficult to manage real life. You get hit with these highs, like quick spikes of adrenaline racing through your system, you feel like you can fly or run twenty miles without breaking a sweat. The energy needs to be released somehow. Working in an office where I sit at a desk for 8 hours makes this excruciating. I suddenly cannot focus on one thing but attempt to focus on four or five things. It's during times like these that I wish I had a more active job, something where I worked with my hands and expelled energy. When I was in college, I went to the gym and ran until I could barely lift my leg to take that next step, working in a wine store kept me active enough, I also worked out at a gym 5 or 6 times a week. My current situation is a bit trickier. I don't have a regular sleep schedule, my little man goes back and forth between sleeping through the night, teething, sleeping more and sleeping late. I thrive on caffeine, which doesn't help. I sit in an office, with no windows, 8 hours a day, when I get home, I don't have time to workout. By the time James goes down I'm exhausted and attempt to get to bed early. Our lives have been stressful and uncertain for some time now. The uncertainty, the piling on of stress, the lack of regular sleep makes things rather difficult. My life has been very unbalanced, to say the least.
The constant cycling lately has put it's toll on me. The most recent episode has been one that has proven to me now, even more so than before, that I need to do something to change the pattern. I need to work harder to balance my life. I have tried talking to someone in the past, not having anyone to talk to makes things more difficult. I have been looking for someone, but with how small our town is and our insurance things haven't meshed very well and most of the psychologists who take our insurance are not taking any new patients.
It's taking its toll on my mind, my body, my patience, its making my work life harder and my personal life more stressful. I have taken control and worked hard to center and balance things in the past. I just need to do that again.
I can tell you, it is damn uncomfortable and difficult to manage real life. You get hit with these highs, like quick spikes of adrenaline racing through your system, you feel like you can fly or run twenty miles without breaking a sweat. The energy needs to be released somehow. Working in an office where I sit at a desk for 8 hours makes this excruciating. I suddenly cannot focus on one thing but attempt to focus on four or five things. It's during times like these that I wish I had a more active job, something where I worked with my hands and expelled energy. When I was in college, I went to the gym and ran until I could barely lift my leg to take that next step, working in a wine store kept me active enough, I also worked out at a gym 5 or 6 times a week. My current situation is a bit trickier. I don't have a regular sleep schedule, my little man goes back and forth between sleeping through the night, teething, sleeping more and sleeping late. I thrive on caffeine, which doesn't help. I sit in an office, with no windows, 8 hours a day, when I get home, I don't have time to workout. By the time James goes down I'm exhausted and attempt to get to bed early. Our lives have been stressful and uncertain for some time now. The uncertainty, the piling on of stress, the lack of regular sleep makes things rather difficult. My life has been very unbalanced, to say the least.
The constant cycling lately has put it's toll on me. The most recent episode has been one that has proven to me now, even more so than before, that I need to do something to change the pattern. I need to work harder to balance my life. I have tried talking to someone in the past, not having anyone to talk to makes things more difficult. I have been looking for someone, but with how small our town is and our insurance things haven't meshed very well and most of the psychologists who take our insurance are not taking any new patients.
It's taking its toll on my mind, my body, my patience, its making my work life harder and my personal life more stressful. I have taken control and worked hard to center and balance things in the past. I just need to do that again.
Finding Balance
*Find the time for meditation. At least twenty minutes per day of silence.
*Workout at least a few times a week. While James is napping, after he goes to bed, during my lunch hour, whatever I can work in.
*Balance my diet. We have not been eating as well as I would like, with Summer fast approaching fresh, bright veggies and succulent fruit will be available and not super expensive. A healthy diet has been a huge help in the past.
*Do not drink more than once or twice a week. It has become a habit to have a glass of wine or a beer (or two) with dinner. It is an easy habit to fall in to. Not a healthy one.
*Drink less coffee. Drink more tea.
*Get outside. More frequently. Go to parks, spend time playing with James outside
*Let go of the small things
*Stop obsessing about keeping a perfect house. This is hard with a toddler who runs around and gets in to everything!
*Take control, stop letting things slip!
I am going to work hard. I need to. For myself, for my son, my marriage and my health. This next month will be a challenge with all of the big changes (or lack of changes) that may be ahead. It takes strength, strength that I do not always have. I'm mustering my reserves and am hoping that that will be enough.
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